The little things in life. =)

今晚的眼泪，掺杂着对爸爸的思念，和对妈妈的心疼与不舍。面对着要离开家的两个孩子们，剩下空空的巢，想到妈妈的处境就忍不住鼻酸。妈妈这辈子的路，艰辛啊。终于成熟的我，满满开始体会妈妈的路。 老爸啊，妹妹真的好想你。我很放不下妈妈。我想啊，可能你走的时候也同样牵挂吧。有空回来看看她ok? 妈妈很想你。保佑妈妈能勇敢地找出新的人生目标，让生活依旧充实。你也一样哦。我还在想象，老爸如果你还在的话，你会对这一切有什么想法和感触。爸爸离开家的时候，是不是也和我一样不舍? 今晚的我，也特别感激有一个疼我的老公。看着视频里，突然之间，没有预兆地大哭起来的老婆- 超难搞的。我知道老公很少会允许自己的悲伤这么放纵出来。所以要你能体会，不审判，不指责，就只是专心聆听和陪伴，其实不容易。可是老公就是那么疼我。我到底做了什么，值得老公那么爱我。万分歉意，可是我就是停不来。最后也只能在心里不断地(边哭，边)说谢谢，希望这人生路上我也能一直这样扶持你度过。 夜深了，该睡了。心里挂念的人们，晚安了。

老爸，注册婚礼的日子将近了。 多一个星期，女儿就要注册结婚了。你知道吗?  我想这身最大的遗憾，是没能让你看到我结婚。对不起，小时候扭曲的感情路让你担心了不少。 今晚，特别睡不着。也许是7月的最后一天，我却觉得这个月没好好地花时间和爸爸的回忆一起共处吧。骤然回忆起爸爸那一则whatsapp voice message, 跟着妹妹说 "妹妹，爸爸回来了。早一点回来 hor" 我这个女儿，怎么就那么没花时间陪你啊。。 4年了，好快啊。 今晚的我，站在你熟悉的角落，怀念你。回想小时候的记忆，突然有一些伤感我就要离开这个有着很多我跟爸爸的回忆的家。我回想着小时候kaypoh  地站在你身边眺望窗外，不知道你在看什么。在你身边陪你看报纸。回想着就你和我那一次去钓鱼，深夜坐在 kelong  尾端吹风，看星星。遗憾地看着原来矗立着你的树的那块地。老爸，我真的很像你。看着小树病到一个程度，看不下去就得马上去纠正和治愈。也不管那么多。我在想，小时候的我帮你扶着楼梯。当你认识的人经过时，应该会让你 paiseh 的时候，小小的我是否有给于你一点勇气呢? 老爸啊，妹妹很想你。我好希望我现在和以后都能做个让你欣慰的女儿哦。妹妹会帮你照顾妈妈的。在我们的心里，老爸你还切切实实地活着。我想，你应该会是一个很可爱的阿公哦 ❤ 爸爸，有空回来看看哦。 ♡

The most beautiful thing about you dear dear... is how you don't even see how truly kind and wonderful you are. I am so lucky to be yours. It's 2 days away from our key collection day dear dear, and I cannot wait to spend my life with you. ♡♡ I love you so so much!  These days I find myself harbouring a prayer. I pray, that love surrounds the people I love; may they never be alone in their times of hardship; may they always be able to find the strength within to overcome life's adversities.  ♡  

We are home lo dear dear!!!!! ❤ 我等你等了好久哦! Today is the day my dear dear got down on one knee, it's the day we look deeply into each other's eyes and I 认定这辈子我非你莫属了.  I love how this photo pretty much sums up the beauty and unique things in our relationship.  The very place we spent so many evenings having dinner and supper, our obsession with little woody, my dear dear's inventiveness with the fairy lights, our impromptu nature and ability to make the most of any situation, and the blend of active and cultural that is underlying our individual characters.  Beyond the initial shock (dear dear never warn me!!! I was not well dressed!!! XD), when we had some time to ourselves in private, I contemplated in silence and was extremely contented that I could be here right next to you. I am grateful for all the quiet moments of understanding, and I know we will have the courage, tenacity and love, to weather through anything that life throws at us; because no matter wha...

Journey journey journey!  March 2021 flew by in a flash. My life turned again, swifter than ever, but smoother and the happier than I ever expected.  Amidst all the listing, planning, budgeting, evaluation and decision making, I love how we start to come tgt as a team to solve and talk through issues together. :) dear dear,  I'm thankful that we are going through this journey together. I'm thankful for you.  What have I learnt about us as a couple:  - we have very similar priorities  - we are both highly practical, but able to retain our sense of fun  - we are highly motivated and task orientated (we can realy keep going!!)  - our problem solving method is to break down an issue into micro parts and talk through it - we need to take more conscious breaks to exercise self care and keep building up the relationship  - we are pretty much perfect tgt, and need to learn to exercise some humility XD =P . KIDDING - we really lucked out in this home ...

这首歌听了好多次，每次听了还是会联想到爸爸，段段落泪。多希望妹妹嫁人那一天，可以唱这首歌给你听哦。可惜，就只能在幻想和愿望的国际唱给爸爸咯。 别人的 你講人生沒願望 哪有趣味 半好半歹 攏是滋味 [..] 你講人生愛歡喜 才有趣味  [..] 是好是歹 攏是自己 今仔日 你牽阮的手 你疼阮的心 我攏知影 阮不是別人的 免煩惱傷心話 我永遠是你的 是你的寶貝 明仔載 換我牽你的手 我疼你的心 乎你知影 阮不是別人的 免感覺會歹勢 我永遠是你的 是你的心肝寶貝

Still peeved at myself for taking all of 3 decades to figure out my own life!!!  I feel like Hong Dae Yong, ' you have wasted your life' =.=.  Fine. Keep going, figure out how to lead a happy fulfilling life that let's me continue giving back to my family. 

老爸， 2月在我们的人生中是一个喜悲参半的一个月。 这个月见证你我的生日，见证了你的过世，间接也见证了我们家因此的转变。 爸爸，谢谢你从小就那么疼爱我，宠我。我最想念的，是很多日常的小事。星期天，一起去吃早餐，我的第一次吃 zhwee kwei, 我们星期天的米饭炸鸡翅，都是我好珍惜的回忆。爸爸的聪明，幽默，合群，是我们家无所取代的。新年初二你也在吧。我们都想你想到。。。 希望你过得不错哦。 不要太担心我们，我们会照顾mummy.  爱你的妹妹

红彤彤的脸颊 湿淋淋的衬衫 心满满地盼家 期待将来的旅程 ♡

Dear dear, thank you for being by my side emotionally when I needed to make hard decisions that I didn't really want to make. I guess I'm accustomed to being a decision maker and driver in most situations. That's one of my most dreaded things, but it's something I often had to do. I always hated it because I felt alone and a bit helpless needing to make decisions on my own. But you were there for me, the worst didn't feel that bad..  好快哦，我们8个月了! 😍😍 8 months on and I still feel like I have endless things to discover about you, endless things to discuss with you. 8 months on, and I'm glad our love is growing and growing. Dear dear,  I feel like 2020 had been quite a rough one for you. Hang in there, jiayou jiayou and remember that I'm always rooting, cheering and screaming for you!! You're my most special present from 2020, and we will be each other's future from hereon.  Thank you for being you my love. I love you 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♂️❤ 新年快乐! ^^ -o...

Have you reached hamster heaven yet man man? I hope hamster heaven has load of blueberries, fresh fruits and fresh veggie for you, and lots of ledges for you to lean and sleep on! 

满满呀，mummy loves you. I hope you know that! You will always have a special place in my heart.  I am gonna miss you so badly sweet little one.  I'm gonna miss your cute little face, cute little cuddles and cute little feet that you would allow me to touch and hold haha. Although I imagine u can't be enjoying it.  I'm gonna miss your shy but sweet nature, your gentle beady little eyes that always look for me.  I'm gonna miss your timid little hunch melting into a comfortable and contented prata on my hand, especially when your are enjoying your neck massages, ear and belly rubs..   I'm gonna miss how you trust and love me unconditionally, never bit me even a single time, and allowed me to manipulate your body and feed you meds this way and that, even though it must be super uncomfortable.  Thank you for everything you have given me my dear 满满.  Thank you for being my little one whom I look forward to seeing at home after work. Thank you for letting m...

Sometimes, life surprises with the most unplanned sweetness. What a beautiful beautiful day!!  Hehe, without travelling out of the country, I can already see how the 2 of us will travel and live the rest of our lives tgt.  Thank you for the wonderful day dear; discovering new and indie corners of this place we call home. ^^

Silly it's just a dream Is it because you have been handling man man And she had been in pain Technically if you 1000x man man She might actually look like a bear And we seldom see hamsters blink So that could be the eyelid part Last night, I had yet another one of my bizarre dreams. These dreams have always been very disturbing for me. I'm not sure if they bode well or otherwise. But more often than not, I have absolutely no idea where they come from. I feel embarrassed to tell them to anyone, and I rarely ever do. But somehow I told dear dear today. It must have been highly irrational to you on 2 counts: first, the dream contents are just downright weird. Second, I am irrationally disturbed by something unreal. But nonetheless, dear dear didn't judge me, and listened and empathetically came up with something to 安抚我.  Dear ah, 自小就懂得要坚强，自强，独立，勇敢，或至少改装出这模样的我，从来没有被人那这么样疼爱过。谢谢你。I take this moment to give thanks to the man who gives me much more than i can ever dream of. I love...

Just finished a weekend of loving goodness. yesterday was a perfect day with the man I would call my forever home. My dear dear, I would go to the ends of the world with you, and never look back. I love you so so so much. :) just thinking about your smile would make everything wrong go right. yesterday was a day we spent tgt, trying to get to hort park and mt faber, but plans had to shift due to the heavy heavy rain which the bus stop saved us from in the nick of time. it was a day with some slight discourse over earth and forest trail (what's wrong with me! lol!) and dear dear's initial disappointment with dji. but everything ended nicely when we managed to spend time tgt at home.. having a nice homey hawker center dinner, dear dear 疼我 and let me over order oyster omelette.. It was a cold night, but my heart is infinitely full and warm because you're in it. ^^ dear dear, 谢谢你 。I want this life with you in it, so much that I can't put a pen to paper for it. That's a ...

Why is the pensive associated with regret  remorse and longing? Why does reflections have to be laced with a brim of sad? Let's change that!  We are fast pressing on to 6 months!!! Time flew!!! ^^ Haha, this blog is almost becoming a relationship blog. I think that represents the proportion of my life that has been filled because of you. Hehe, more about that later. Let me try to inject a bit of balance first. 2020 has been a year of 圆满, balanced in its expression, full in its experience. Life has been tough enough for everyone. I'm glad everyone got to where we are and managed to adapt through it. This year, I express my gratitude for my country, which has proven to execute thoughtful functional kiasu through crisis. I'm thankful that we are where we are not by luck but by design. I'm thankful for the many dumps that I sat in professionally, for they have honed a greater sense of balance in my decision making. I accept that I'm always the feeler, and I should moder...

31.  A third of life passed- what have I achieved? What routes have I journeyed? Where am I headed in this lifetime?  A third of life passed- have I figured put what kind of person I am and want to be? What values and principles do I stand for?  A third of life passed- is that considered short or long? Have I wasted too much time? Do I still have time to get back on track?  Dear dear, 5 months past and I find myself in a dip of reflection and a ton of self remorse and reproach. I wish everyday that I could be a better partner to you, and I strive everyday to be wiser and more mindful of my every action. I struggle to make up my mind and elucidate what I truly stand for. This week, I reckon with the failures that I struggle with as a person. I am not a bad person. But in my struggle to please and adapt to every situation that came my way, I have let myself be shaped loosely by the external influences and failed to firm up my innermost core. I am not a bad person. But ...

It's 2am and I'm still having trouble sleeping.. I guess the past 2 days have been intense on my churning mind. This is probably the first time we went through a mini man made crisis together as a couple.  It got me thinking about how I didn't do so well to protect you from what I know to be insensitive and 任性 natures of my mother which I should have expected. I further got me thinking about the times whe  I wasn't firm enough to walk away from past baggages and you had to step in for me to block and delete certain contacts that wasnt doing me good. These reflections led me back to the very very very start, when my dear dear splash water on me to 叫我 "清醒一点!!"。Back then  you told me, that if given a choice, 99.99%  of the population would not choose to hurt the person they love because they don't want to hurt somebody else. Unless I'm that 0.001%, I should find it easier to have my answer. Truth is, I dislike having to hurt another person in general. Tru...

Love Someone There are days, I wake up and I pinch myself. That you're with me, not some one else . I smiled the entire way through my run today. I skipped through the sad songs because they no longer resonate, and I can't remember why they ever did. I circle this happy one; this one that trembles with love, joy and a little bit of delicate fear. For I have something that I actually fear to lose, for the first time in this lifetime. I have You.  You're Fearless, when I'm fearful. You're logical where I'm over emotional. You're willing to take a leap of faith, when I'm held back by my worries and self fulfilling prophecies. You're the start of every story I want to participate in and close. And I'm so much Braver now, because of you.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a new life together.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a busy and mundane life together.  In due time, when we are on the armchair looking back together.  I know I will ...

Has it been that long since i dropped by to pen a proper thought her in this platform? I am almost certain i have reread those past few posts over and over again in the last 3 years though. 3 years, how time flies. How much the world has changed, how much has my work, my family, my friendships, my relationship and myself changed. Dad, if you looked at the me today, and we had a beer or coffee together, what would you say? sk