The little things in life. =)

Again, i'll say i really love being in water. Love feeling the water rush over my body, watching the shine and shimmer of water's reflections off the wall, watching my shadow at the bottom of the pool, and watching the way the water breaks at my finger tips and create their own shadow. and if i may say, most of all, i like how graceful and fluid i feel in water, as compared to my usually klutzy style on land. ahh. i got my 2nd swimming intervention from a stranger today!! Today, the stranger made a trip specially and walked up to me, just to tell me that he wanted to compliment me for my breast stroke. It the absolute purest sports sense of the word. Can't say how much that meant to me! Nothing would suffice i think; i was over the clouds! =)) hahaha. It was immense for me, to receive that kind of praise. I'd say he knows i'm still learning, because i was still swimming in the shallow pool and he probably just wanted to encourage me to keep going. =) but nonetheless...

Christmas has always been my favourite season; it's the songs, the atmosphere, the love and the overall mood of a 圆满 year. my only wish this christmas is to have a good christmas, as always, one where i can laugh and show my appreciations for the people who made my life so much more. Perhaps a good christmas dinner with the JC gang; home-cooked meal at josh's as we do every Christmas; catch up with where everyone is heading in life before they stray too far away from us. Please please please, that's all i'm asking for this year. Give me that little bit of time away from fyp for that, alright? my favourite christmas song:think. a delightful listen, hundred times over:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-QND5VyT_os#!

-can be so infectious. 12 hours before a paper isn't exactly a good time to have a long convo. I get this feeling that somehow, my optimism must have been quite insulting to you. In fact, it might almost have been condescending- extending from the background concept that you held so tightly. If that was felt, i'm truly sorry. I didn't mean it. Like i said, i was only concerned about your happiness. Truly so. But you made a good point; i guess i can't gauge your happiness using my own standards. Or, i shouldn't gauge your life by my standards. (Cus happiness in life is my ideal, not everybody else's.) Perhaps, I've really been too pampered. But still, i'm sorry, as convincing and realistic as you were, i wish to live my own ideals. So no, i'm not going down with pessmism. I'm gonna fight this, for you.

Sick of studying the same things again and again. Worried about  FYP, dunno how i'm gonna die for that after exams. in need of a break! got nothing much to post, so i'll just share some snippets of things keeping me alive these past few dreary weeks. taken on my cui, highly ridiculed (haha) but also highly loved 2 megapix nokia phone that still smses using T9. Life philosophy for now. fyp i'm sorry. PT i'm sorry.  Drawing much too much than i should. Liked this particular one alot though! That very faint rainbow from the other day that appeared in the split minute when i was about to walk away from the window after admiring the brilliant orange sky at sunset. no amount of editing could fix this though. what i see everyday at cck library. haha, beautiful landscape for a restless final year student trying to study. (with some editing, not too bad for a 2mp cam eh?) memories of storyboarding of film. that's my drawing of my own carica...

there are just some films that are more lasting to rewatch, and some that become dreary on 2nd sitting. Movies like Money No Enough, were a joy to watch, and initially, i had though that it was jack neo's commendable effort in creating serious undertones in a light-hearted movie. but on 2nd watch, nah, i thought too much for him. he's just trying really hard to entertain. This is just like ppl. But hopefully in life, we get more of the kinds of characters that can endure a 2nd, 3rd and many times over rewatching, and still be intriguing in the new interpretation they present each time.

GO GO GO GO GO

Look in the tunnel, there's a speck of light within- Don't give up this fight. haiku- literally "hai, *哭*“. (laugh la, even if it's not funny haha.)

Well, just finished the final cut on my film and the report is kinda done as well. All in place for submission tomorrow! Haha, finally done with this 30% project that was a heck of a joyride. =) i really enjoyed working on it together with my pretty awesome group mates, who came from such diverse backgrounds that it was interesting to simply watch the interaction in the group sometimes. Of all the mod chioces i've made in my 4 years, i must say this is really the best one. i shan't talk too much about it for now, but i just wanted to say something before i forget. In this group, what was nice was that for a change, i could sometimes take a more active listening and observing role, as opposed to my usual talk too much to keep the spirit alive role in other groups. this was really a nice alternative, and served as a form of reminder of the times in my past, when i had sometimes assumed active listening roles, allowing me to observe and learn much more about people. haven't ...

holy shit. nonononoooo!!!! too slack!

I know i shouldn't complain, it doesn't help anything, i know that. But i've done the things that i think should be done to solve the problem, so in terms of redirecting energy, i think there's no necessity for that right now, so let me just type. In short, it was a good day gone bad. I guess i shouldn't have let my happiness float me away. shouldn't have agreed to a movie, shouldn't have neglected contacting the necessary people. Made jiahao upset/disappointed/worried (i don't know), inconvenienced him, and i'm really very sorry for that. then i had a mega quarrel with my brother over i) why i did not contact ii) why my phone was flat in the first place. ii) him contacting jiahao. my initial reaction when i guessed that he contacted jh was a little too exaggerated. perhaps it was my being flustered over film changes, and also that i just don't like my friends/boyfriend to be contacted to ask about me. i just, don't like it. They're not...

I really like this new layout! =)) hopefully will have time to blog more ahaha.. my command of the language is so atrocious that writing the many reports for my fyp is becoming so painful. Even after the umpteenth time of editing, i still find it chui. CRAP. i better go brush up on my english.

"For me, swimming, or just floating in water, feels like a drop of immortality. [...] I love swimming, the feel of the water swirling past my body, the different forces exerted on the palm of of my hand as i stroke through the water, the gentleness of being buoyant." W. Hodding Carter "Off the Deep End" How apt, and how beautiful. I couldn't have described it better, and i don't imagine this to be an experience unique to me or the author alone. I love swimming, too. I love the feeling of being in water. Like i always say, there is nothing else that makes me feel quite as alive as taking a breath in between strokes. Because only then, do i feel like i'm breathing, for real. School's been so busy! =( and my recess week was spent being sick (the pity!). I'm so desperate to get back into water. =( i can feel the pool water lapping at my heart; beckoning.

=)) i used to be a much happier blogger really. hahahah.. 2 posts from the old days: =) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ what the bloody hell u tell me, what the bloody hell omg!! ARGHHHH!!!!!! LOL guess what happened man, i. just.dropped.my.phone.into.my.glass.of.water. DOM. just like that. what the hell was i doing?!?!?! OMG!!!!! i duno whether to laugh or cry la!!!!!! *whacks forehead** now how? HOWWW??!?!?! aiyo!! WHO in the world voluntaroly throw their phone into their water? u tell me!! ARGHHHHH... shit la, no phone AGAIN LOLOL! mei you yuan la totally... i actually find it very funny- except for the cannot contact ppl bit. lol... sigh, i'll go do sth abt it... sk -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The calm, Cool face of the river Asked me for a kiss. --langston hughes love this poem. wahaha guess da title man!! =D shd b q...

Sharing your life and the lack of privacy just got closer. Where does the line blur? The new and upcoming facebook features disturbs me. If we recall, about a year or two ago, facebook was a budding social networking site that some vehemently protested against. Yet nowadays, it's hard to find somebody without a facebook account. all those protestors? -converted too. It was a "social networking" site that started out with the said purpose: to network. But now, networking has been brought to a whole new level of cyber stalking. The ticker box with its instant updates, and the upcoming timeline that is suppose to summarise your lifestory into a SINGLE webpage, all these new features on the popular networking site, disturbs me. But the even more disturbing thing is, i think these are features that people will come to embrace, in time. just like facebook did. While the initial rude shock of the change will probably trigger off some cognitive protest in each of us(because it ...

what did i dooo?! why yew no like meeeeeeeeee?!!!

Lacking motivation for my FYP, but growing resentment and anxiety at it. (Beck's anxiety scale scoring quite high!!) haha, Well, i gotta keep keep keep going! Gotta learn from others and exercise more discipline over myself. haha, maybe i shd start running.

Maybe I talk too much, talk too loud, talk too easy and talk too mindless. Maybe, i don't know. Don't really know what to do, so i'm not really gonna try anymore. I try too hard, and ask too much sometimes. Tonight is not the best of nights, again. Feel like taking a gasp of fresh air outside right now. I rmb how i used to say that my favourite smell in the world is just that of the cold, moist air in the wee mornings. Was looking at a clip from BP's teacher's Day, and got reminded once again of those happy naive times. When the world's greatest problems came from NP, world's best and worst friends were from NP, and how at the end of the day, there was no problem a good deal of pegging on the field/behind the NP room won't heal. Therapeutic clanging of metal pegs. ahha. Thinking back, i guess these kinds of simple joys may simply be insufficient for some to think back upon these days fondly. Not fun enough, not outrageous enough, not mad enough, an...

alright, one step at a time. Things are piling up so fast that i'm not sure what's the next step to take. Not the busiest yet, but i can foresee i'll probably be gasping for air in awhile. OHMYGAH. the sheetz for slacking so much so far. =X

How much is tradition worth? $1000? Can i buy your culture with that? $10,000? can i have your heritage too? I just finished watching a documentary, 'Rags to Riches', done by a student from NUS. The topic for the document was the annual NUS Rag and Flag day. The release date is a timely 2 weeks before Rag day 2011. I think the producers did a very good job. If this is his portfolio, and if i watch it as his employer, i'd be impressed. That is- if i didn't know better about the topic of this documentary. In this film, Colin guided the audience slowly through a gradual process of controversy unraveling one after the other. If i may take an audacious guess, I'd say that he was guiding the auidence towards what he believes about Rag. That is mildly propaganda, isn't it? On more than one instant, it feels like what the interviewees said were framed up in a slightly different context, or the interviewees were guided towards his desired answer. And what is that? If i m...

not the best of nights.

this is ridiculous. i cant believe how much time i'm wasting on you. goodness.

When things get sensationalised, i wonder, do we think before we react? I keep trying to be absolutely objective in making a decision. Then i realise, honestly, it's quite the impossible thing to do. You see, this thing called selective perception and selective attention is something that people fall to, almost everytime. And this is not an academic smoke piece. Considering things properly, people believe what they wish to believe, and once that thought catches on i guess pretty much anything can be twisted to suit your desired perception- whatever it is you want. Perhaps it's a natural cognitive process. It is just that much easier to have a stand and fit evidences to it, than to view evidences before making a stand. I tried to exercise objectivity, and think from both sides, their individual merits and demerits, before making a stand. i tried to compare to politics in other countries, look back deep into our own history and others', look at real trends before i make a dec...

When will be a good time to put past baggage down completely, keep marching forward and really look back with a smile? I blame you for a good lot of things, and i cant absolve you from the blame. Not yet. Somehow, i think this is a lot more anger than i am expected to have. Well, when? Why do i feel this way? Perhaps it's the couple of times you have came back holding an olive branch, only to recall that hey! You still disagree with me. You are still angry. And you still want to screw me up for it. And then the olive branch is quickly withdrawn and replaced with a sword. I get too tired from these attacks. So you want to be friends? So you've moved on. Have you really? Are you sure? I don't want to waste everyone's time going around in circles. You taught me, with your repeated droning reattacks, that i'm not ready to put down the past and see past differences. And unless i'm absolutely ready, i shall not run through the mill pursuing my ideal self. So fine, we...

Interesting scene this afternoon: nsp n pap publicity vans were at my estate at the same time, trying to out-loud each other with their calls for votes. Pity is, i can't discern a thing from either side. (And it disrupted my studying to a large extent.) I shudder to imagine if this happens in parliament. Whatever the results, i pray that our leaders will keep their heads clear with Singapore as their primary objective, and be rational in parliamentary debates (if ever). I don't think it takes a politician to realise that bickering to win is senseless and endless. At the end of the day, if this happens, it's the citizens who suffer. *points at the self pity card* Well. I look forward to the results!

i think i need to stop comparing mmyself with others. Woman, you have your own needs. come on now, come away.

Ah. What a period of time. I'm tired of hearing the banter, the chants and the rhetoric. It's elections talk talk talk and debates everywhere and although I see some good arguments here and there, ultimately, I'm tired of it. I will quote Mr Tan Chuan Jin. "Let's agree to disagree." Over the past week, day in day out, i see people post notes or essays to criticise or voice their opinions. I'm fine with that, for your opinion is yours. What I have contention with, is the fact that many posts winds up with a persuasive slant. Otherwise, the comments that follow, serves to give that persuasive slant. Let my decision be mine. I would like to have the chance to know what i think, before you come and tell me what to think please. Another problem that i feel greatly about, is that many posts, though not all, focuses on only an issue or two wrt.... national policies, for example. And now, based on their feelings about that issue or two, people formulate their logi...

It's been a mildly strenuous evening. Well, I'm unwittingly offending people without meaning to at all. I think i need to shut up, but i need to vent a little.. well. To everyone i offended today, i don't know you, and i don't think you know me either. I didn't knowingly mean to offend/make mistakes that offend you. So please accept my sincere and humble apology. And perhaps stop walking around in my brain so it can rest. :) Apart from that, it's been a strenuous evening of debates at home. Not sure of what to say, but i think i shall say none for now. Perhaps im too arrogant in my beliefs of the right or wrong. Perhaps im just too plain arrogant in the closet. Perhaps it's a good time for some revaluation n change. Not the best evening I've had. Oh well, it's gonna be a new day tMr! Sk, learn to learn n move on bah. From me, to me. Goodnight world..

If the world does come to an end, it might be man against man. Seems like we're doing a good job destroying ourselves without intervention. If i'm an alien watching us from up above, i might laugh at just how smooth my kill-Earthlings-and-take-over-Earth!! plan is going without me lifting a finger. Pakistan, Libya, terrorists, etc- stop killing people already, please. the fact that this phrase would have been so taboo to me in the past, but is just rolling off my fingers right now, disturbs me. *sigh* what's the world coming to?

Random thoughts distracting me from studying. Friendship can be such a fragile thing. I never really did subscribe to the ideals that real friends contact each other most every other day. Perhaps it's ili and jo, but with my really close friends, we are close, regardless of contact. And i know we'll always stay that way. Perhaps i'm too emotionally isolated. But now, i find myself rethinking this habit of mine. well, recently i've been confronted again and again with changing group dynamics, changing relationships and sentiments, and undercurrents amongst a few of my closest friends. How shall i put this; the constants that i held on to in the past don't seem so constant anymore. That drives me a little mad. Having undercurrents left unsaid within a group- that drives me mad too. Slowly, i begin to identify individuals with their individuality rising up and above the cliques. Slowly i begin to realise that, perhaps they have found greener pastures elsewhere, other f...

after all these years, the one thing i cannot stand is still obnoxiousness. it's like... a fly. just gotta live with it.