Maybe I talk too much, talk too loud, talk too easy and talk too mindless.
Maybe, i don't know. Don't really know what to do, so i'm not really gonna try anymore. I try too hard, and ask too much sometimes.
Tonight is not the best of nights, again. Feel like taking a gasp of fresh air outside right now. I rmb how i used to say that my favourite smell in the world is just that of the cold, moist air in the wee mornings.
Was looking at a clip from BP's teacher's Day, and got reminded once again of those happy naive times. When the world's greatest problems came from NP, world's best and worst friends were from NP, and how at the end of the day, there was no problem a good deal of pegging on the field/behind the NP room won't heal. Therapeutic clanging of metal pegs. ahha. Thinking back, i guess these kinds of simple joys may simply be insufficient for some to think back upon these days fondly. Not fun enough, not outrageous enough, not mad enough, and just plain meaningless things to rmb. Perhaps. But one man's trash will always be another's treasure isn't it? and they are mine.
haven't done the kind of yearly review that i used to do in a long time. I'm 22, and honestly, i'm not sure exactly what i've achieved. My academic life is in its final trimester. i'm just so close to being a pre-reg pharmacist. And yet, i feel nothing close to being competent. character wise, i think pretty much every virtue has deteriorated, while every vice manifested even more. Who am i and what do i stand for? at an incumbent major crossroad of my life, i have got absolutely no idea. (that is probably the only concrete idea i harbour.) I never imagined life in the future to be like this (from when i was a kid), never imagined it to be so aimless. But then again, who is there to blame but myself? For if i don't set an aim for myself, who can do that for me?
tired of ranting. (this is another particularly bad habit that has grown to enormous proportions over the years. My short attention/interest span.) I just really wanna cross my fingers and hope that the coming few months will shed more light on my next step to take.
Once every so often, I like to withdraw into myself and shut out the world- whimsically. Just stop talking. No real reasons. Not really the first time. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, this is a part of me that needs some getting used to. Perhaps, the people who knows me, knows this happens. Perhaps, the people who do, doesnt exist. Perhaps i'm wrong- Perhaps this is selfish. But once, just once, every so often- i'd like to claim my leave from social behaviors. Just once every so often, i'd like to disappear. Take the phone off the hook- for ages. -I'm sorry though, if my habits hurt. And i do so appreciate the concern too. But, like my daddy says: ourself knows best. sk
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