Skip to main content

爸爸,再见

爸爸,妹妹很想你。你住在医院的时候妹妹就有告诉你了。可惜,等不到爸爸回家。当时爸爸跟我说想爸爸又能怎样。那时的我还可以多去医院看你,陪着你。现在,除了抱着你的抱枕,你爱坐的椅子,你用过的东西,你给我的东西,回顾你过去的照片,摸着你的脸 妹妹真的什么都不能做了。爸爸,妹妹真的很想你。

之前,你在whatsapp 上,给妹妹流过一些留言。你说“妹妹,爸爸回来了。早一点回家。“对不起,妹妹没有抽多一点时间在家陪你。 现在我每天都在家,可是见不到老爸了。

老爸,你走得太突然了。大家都难以置信。我也是。我其实还有好多计划还没和你做。我知道你和我一样,爱看山水,爱动物,爱大自然。一直都想带你到更漂亮的地方旅游。对不起,还没来得及带你去。将来,我去的时候,你要记得跟着来ok?希望现在老爸已经可以到处游走了。

老爸,你知道我记性非常差。我很怕很怕会忘记和爸爸有关的东西。你要时常来提醒我ok?我想要在这里写下我所记得的:
老爸,你从我有记忆到现在,都是那么的特别,另类,和有创意。你就是我那么与众不同的老爸,我的英雄。谢谢你,在我小小的时候,每个星期天早上带我去吃东西。还带我去farmart 看动物,买芦荟甜品来吃。那是我第一次看到活生生的黑鸡 原来羽毛是白色的!我在你的车上总是学到很多东西,像是那个ecolink还在建的时候,你告诉我 “这座桥是给动物走的,不是给车走的“。当时我还以为你骗我!哈哈,真的建出来,还真是如你所说的。你就是这样,每次让我吃惊。

谢谢你带着我去吃我们家楼下,你爱吃的肉骨茶和煮炒。肉骨茶,也是你我最后一次一起吃的一餐。谢谢你不介意妹妹一直拿你做电做水的东西来做手工。谢谢你肯跟我解释一些工具的基本。将来妹妹会帮忙修理家里基本的东西ok?爸爸不用担心。

还记得小时候你大病一场回家,瘦得小时候的我害怕,不认得你。是当你把我抱到身边,让我做在你的腿上我才认得这是疼爱我的爸爸。爸爸的拥抱,妹妹就是会认得。就算换了个样子,感觉到了我就会知道,就会特别安心。谢谢你。

谢谢你为家里做出那么多特别的改良。真的不能想象,将来没爸爸的家会是怎样,但是我会尽量延续你的精神。有一次,妹妹睡到半夜,床突然塌了。隔天睡了就没问题了。当时也没想那么多。是过了几年,在换床褥的时候才发现有人帮我丁了床架却什么也没说。谢谢你爸爸,妹妹有发现。

我不会忘记老爸你是怎么不断的注意周遭,探索。和老爸在一起,你总是会注意到人家没看到的东西。总是会让我好好大笑一番。我会非常想念这一点。记得在台湾,有一次下起大雨,刮大风, 所有的伞都向上翻起。大家都狂抓着伞。老爸,你就干脆让伞不完全开,把头,脸和上身用半开的伞遮住: #problemsolved. 看了这张照片,我在伤心都笑了出来。谢谢你老是逗我笑。

老爸,谢谢你那么多年的疼爱。小的时候,有一次手指被车门夹道,又有一次被家门夹道。哈哈,每次你都是那样,半骂半关心的问“aiyo!妹妹你做么这样!“ 还记得老爸疼惜的眼神,厚实的手掌呵护着我。还有,那些半夜醉着,被托着回家。老爸看了也没说什。Hehe, 谢谢daddy 没有baodou 我。最后,我第一次分手,让对方搞得书也读不下。谢谢你告诉我你的经历,叫我拿个椅子给他,叫他要跳就跳。

老爸,谢谢你教会我善良和乐于助人的人生态度。谢谢你教会我,在人生,吃一点亏其实也没什大不了。大家开心和气就好。

老爸,28年前,2月25日 你为妹妹登记报生纸,2017年 2 月25日,妹妹帮你签死亡证书。感觉好心酸。对不起,没能让你抱孙,看着我们两兄妹结婚。对不起,没有多花时间陪你。对不起,让你受了那么多苦 可以的话我真的希望辛苦的是我。对不起,没有坚持早一点带你去医院。

老爸,你留给我的回忆太多了。妹妹会好好地珍惜。我真的很想很想你。偶尔回来看看ok*妹妹抱抱*


老爸,谢谢你。

至给我最爱得老爸:



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Recluse

Once every so often, I like to withdraw into myself and shut out the world- whimsically. Just stop talking. No real reasons. Not really the first time. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, this is a part of me that needs some getting used to. Perhaps, the people who knows me, knows this happens. Perhaps, the people who do, doesnt exist. Perhaps i'm wrong- Perhaps this is selfish. But once, just once, every so often- i'd like to claim my leave from social behaviors. Just once every so often, i'd like to disappear. Take the phone off the hook- for ages. -I'm sorry though, if my habits hurt. And i do so appreciate the concern too. But, like my daddy says: ourself knows best. sk

overwhelming

i woke up at 4am this morning without an alarm, thinking about all the work undone. realising it's the 12th, and that i'm meeting AC on the 19th to run through my presentation, which i haven't editted. thinking about needing to submit 12 more prescriptions by tomorrow, and i haven't done any. thinking about topics discussions that have't been fulfilled. thinking. thinking. thinking. but unable to drag myself outta bed; my body resisting to put itself through the tsunami of shit. grr. i shall shut both my eyes and trudge through it. Need to remind myself really, that work never stops. ever. Need to remind myself of who i am truly- that i exist without the work. i simply have to start living and breathing again. A random thought, you know how some sites like to ask you to key in some verification code before posting? I like the way blogger does it. "Please prove that you're not a robot." haha, but unfortunately, i think i am becoming one. ok. e

Limited time

We all have limited time on this Earth,  and a limited 24 hours in a day. What you choose to pack into that 24 hours, will decide what your life portrait will look like at the end of your road. (Yes, I think a lot about the end of the road nowadays.) I was just thinking to myself yesterday, if i applied the "rise of the guardian" concept to myself, what would my core be? I had wanted it to be love. I had thought that love shouldn't be limited. I had thought, that I would be able to dedicate a certain share of love to all the people in my life, who needed the care at the point in time when they do. I had thought, that my heart should be big enough to welcome as many people in as possible. Because ultimately, at the end of my road, I want to breath my last breath smiling, knowing that I have made a difference to people. I had thought that was possible, but i forgot that while my heart can be limitless, my time can't. In trying to be everybody's friend, I have fa