“I've gained more from serving my patients than I have given to them; it's a privilege to be a healthcare professional. Indeed, it's in giving that we receive, and in losing ourselves that we find ourselves” - Dr Phillip Yap
Well said Dr Yap. 4 years of bond is quickly drawing to an end. As I sit here rather aimlessly, waiting for time to pass in preparation for my night shift tomorrow, the late hours has allowed me some quiet time for reflections. When was the last time I did this?! (It's appalling!) Looking back on the past 4 years, I wondered which lessons and emotions stood out the most. Is it the resentment from the occasional unhappy episodes at office, or the 委屈 from the random angry patient? I suppose I really did have my fair share of those. But above everything else, I still relish the fulfillment that I get from knowing that I have made a difference to a patient today (teehee, look at that confidence XD). I said this same thing to a couple of close friends while we were down from pre-reg (and drinking at a playground LOL), and I'm glad that this has held me through to this day.
I suppose you can call me a free-spirit. I really hate being tied down to anything that I didn't willingly choose. I would eat my own soul out if I didn't feel passionately for my decisions with every fibre of my being. That's why I really disliked having the bond in place; especially when all my friends were leaving. I said and thought about this this time and time again. But then, there is another part that I have never admitted to anybody before, perhaps not even myself. While I disliked the bond, it worked out kinda well for me because it was a really good excuse for me not to make any decisions about my future. The truth is- I loved most parts of my job. I loved patient care, and I loved to make people laugh, and I got to do that a lot. I liked it when I know I have left an impression, because that could hopefully translate to people remembering the pharmacist role a little more. Perhaps that can make my lessons to them last a little longer too. Pharmacy was a career where I could do a lot of hoping, because I could work a little magic on a different person each time. Contrary to popular belief, I am not jaded about my work, nor about healthcare. Having said that, there are parts of the job that I start to feel I cannot handle on a long term basis. The stress of perfection for one; the amount of self-reproach I go through when I make a mistake; the constant comparison against your colleagues to need to do better, do more, make less mistakes; the work culture of being precise to a T, counting the minutes and seconds to and from lunch, starting work, wait time, CEs; NIGHT SHIFTS etc. I worry a lot too, about the prospects of the job. Will I be happy being a small pharmacist who has hit resonance with a few specific patients, or will I be happier being an unknown administrator who has made a change for the patients of the nation, but resonates with none. Or will there be a job for me to satisfy my need for patient contact, large impact and intellectual challenge? And at the end of all these considerations, I suppose I know better than anyone else, that when you started counting the flaws, you are essentially just fishing for reasons to support a decision that you have already made. But that decision may not necessarily be sound. And if you decide based on the "evidence" that you have found for yourself, you may satisfy your need for justification for that moment, but reality will always come back and bite you in the ass someday. Could I be leaning towards this decision based on my pride?
SO! Essentially when my bond ends, what has really ended is my convenient excuse to procrastinate on my decision for my future. As of right now, I frankly have no answers. =.= 诚实对待自己，说来简单，但现实上真的好困难。
ARGHH!!
sk
- the clock is ticking
Well said Dr Yap. 4 years of bond is quickly drawing to an end. As I sit here rather aimlessly, waiting for time to pass in preparation for my night shift tomorrow, the late hours has allowed me some quiet time for reflections. When was the last time I did this?! (It's appalling!) Looking back on the past 4 years, I wondered which lessons and emotions stood out the most. Is it the resentment from the occasional unhappy episodes at office, or the 委屈 from the random angry patient? I suppose I really did have my fair share of those. But above everything else, I still relish the fulfillment that I get from knowing that I have made a difference to a patient today (teehee, look at that confidence XD). I said this same thing to a couple of close friends while we were down from pre-reg (and drinking at a playground LOL), and I'm glad that this has held me through to this day.
I suppose you can call me a free-spirit. I really hate being tied down to anything that I didn't willingly choose. I would eat my own soul out if I didn't feel passionately for my decisions with every fibre of my being. That's why I really disliked having the bond in place; especially when all my friends were leaving. I said and thought about this this time and time again. But then, there is another part that I have never admitted to anybody before, perhaps not even myself. While I disliked the bond, it worked out kinda well for me because it was a really good excuse for me not to make any decisions about my future. The truth is- I loved most parts of my job. I loved patient care, and I loved to make people laugh, and I got to do that a lot. I liked it when I know I have left an impression, because that could hopefully translate to people remembering the pharmacist role a little more. Perhaps that can make my lessons to them last a little longer too. Pharmacy was a career where I could do a lot of hoping, because I could work a little magic on a different person each time. Contrary to popular belief, I am not jaded about my work, nor about healthcare. Having said that, there are parts of the job that I start to feel I cannot handle on a long term basis. The stress of perfection for one; the amount of self-reproach I go through when I make a mistake; the constant comparison against your colleagues to need to do better, do more, make less mistakes; the work culture of being precise to a T, counting the minutes and seconds to and from lunch, starting work, wait time, CEs; NIGHT SHIFTS etc. I worry a lot too, about the prospects of the job. Will I be happy being a small pharmacist who has hit resonance with a few specific patients, or will I be happier being an unknown administrator who has made a change for the patients of the nation, but resonates with none. Or will there be a job for me to satisfy my need for patient contact, large impact and intellectual challenge? And at the end of all these considerations, I suppose I know better than anyone else, that when you started counting the flaws, you are essentially just fishing for reasons to support a decision that you have already made. But that decision may not necessarily be sound. And if you decide based on the "evidence" that you have found for yourself, you may satisfy your need for justification for that moment, but reality will always come back and bite you in the ass someday. Could I be leaning towards this decision based on my pride?
SO! Essentially when my bond ends, what has really ended is my convenient excuse to procrastinate on my decision for my future. As of right now, I frankly have no answers. =.= 诚实对待自己，说来简单，但现实上真的好困难。
ARGHH!!
sk
- the clock is ticking
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