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In the face of death, all stands trivial

life.




ends.


eventually.


i count my blessings many times a day, for having all my loved ones by my side. for being alive.

at 10, as i light up those joss sticks n pray for blessings. i wish for success in my studies, my life.

at 15, i started to pray for everyone in my family. n started to feel tt i've slightly matured n became less self centered, starting to care for my family...

at 17, i pray for everyone in my life. thn i realised tt caring for others, in an indirect sort of way, is my way of being selfish.

bt selfish i'll cont to b.


i won't deny, i fear the cycle of life n death. i fear it, reject it, and try to ignore it. but death has time n again stared me in the face, such tt i cant help but acknowledge its presence. i'm frightened by the fragility of life. by how easily life in a person cn disappear, the way i can choose to shut down this computer.


i cannot stand the thought of losing someone. cant stand the thought of anyone losing something as valuable as life. can't stand the unfairness of it all.


bt i understand that it's inevitable. that 1 day, the one most important to me will pass on. tt one day i will pass on. it's simply a matter of tym. if fate dictates it to b so, i may die in my sleep afterwards. i may, cant rule out that possibility. but if fate decides otherwise, i might live on, n rise to see the sunrise tomorrow; and pray my buddha, see my family once again. for one more day, everyday.


in a way, it boosts me to strive, n work, n leave no regrets. i have to leave one day, my loved ones too. bt we're not leaving behind a life of regrets. no. i want to have everyone look back n smile at the life they had. n perhaps, after that tumult of sadness n despair, we cn smile at wat had been.perhaps.


the human spirit, is irreplaceable. that fighting spirit, that ability to shower care, that strength in adversity. i've witnessed ppl go thru death in remarkable strength. i truly salute them. i'm unsure if i can be the same, bt i hope tt i cn be, for the sake of myself n others.


right now, let me live life fully, with no regrets. live a life of fulfilment. to put it pesimistically, i'm preparing for my n other's passing on. if i cn chg the situation, i will. n i'll try everything. maybe one day during my funeral, ppl will hum to "i'm walking on sunshine... oh oh ooh..."

i'm thankful i can still type. thankful my mum cn still nag.

wat's da greatest wealth in life? the ability to eat shit n sleep. it's true.


i noe it will all end one day. that the day will come, when grades, wages, jobs, gst, politics, terrorism will cease to be of importance. i'm jus refusing to admit it. let me live in denial, up to the day im forced to face up to reality.


i have not been thru the pains of parting.... so i perhaps cant understand as well... bt, i understand enuf to noe... tt it's not sth i want to understand yet.


live on, n live on strong. until the day i lose u, or u lose me; whn tt day comes, we'll live on even stronger thn before. take each stride in life with more confidence n strength, guarded by blessings of our loved ones, whether or not thy are physically thr.

b4 i run out of tym. i love u. to everyone in my life.

sk

p/s: i was struck by the sudden gush of helplessness against the vicious cycle of life. wahaha i had to pen [or rather, type this down. i name this day, the day i once again woke up to the truth of life!! =D rarrr, dont worry, i'm not thinking of suicide, just in case anyone worries about tt. i'm perfectly calm, n i'm aiming to live on to a ripe age. just, facing up. =) really =)


haa, i myt just decide to do sth completely unlyk me. sth out of my world. something crazy. wahaha. ALL IN THE SPRIT OF LIFE! =D

finally, i apologise fr this out of the ordinary post :)

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