The little things in life. =)

Dad. I suppose, that's the single most defining event of the year. Catastrophic. 老爸啊，你的过世让今年所发生的一切·有了不一样的转折。如果不是因为你，我想我应该还是会像以前一样，让今年又在匆匆忙忙的工作与朋友之间消耗掉。我想，这让为成长了不少，也让我定下了不少。可是，我真的好想你啊。 Daddy's passing redefined a lot of things for me. how important family is; how i should cherish the time i have with my mum; how i should not take anything for granted; how to be more cautious, yet aggressive about the people i need to protect.  Through that, i also grew to realise that there are many things that I will be too time-poor to handle later, therein affecting the way I manage my work. I begin to realise and accept the fact that I not a superhuman, that sometimes responsibly saying no is the right thing to do, that some painful decisions must be dealt with head on, so that i can protect my responsibility to the people who matter to me. In 2017, I have grown a lot. But the expense of my innocence, is vast too. Consistently, the closure of every year has always been pleasant. When...

老爸，兩個月了。 媽媽和哥哥漸漸好起來了。你呢? 還有像以前那樣，坐著看報紙看到睡著嗎? 我好久沒看晚報了。。前天有人在我的頭上敲了兩下，好熟悉。 老爸， 你要照顧自己ok? 妹妹沒忘記你。

In my dreams, you're still alive and I'm still trying to save you.

Sigh. what's the matter with me. daddy, why did Gorgor get all your good temper while I get all of mummy's impatience and quick temper ah? and then this selfish thinking. Arghhh You must be scolding me right now right. :(

想念你，老爸。 有一陣子沒給你寫信了。妹妹還是很懷念你。聽到貨車門甩著閉上的聲音，我還是不自覺，馬上覺得"老爸回來了!"。 每天下了班，到家樓下時，還是會看一看老爸的車是否到了。也是會想到老爸回來了。 可惜， 車每天都在同一個位置。它像我吧，一直空心地等待主人回來。 老爸，你過得還好嗎?

刷牙 打傘 沖熱水 滾熱水 喝豆奶 擦臉 樹林 190 的路線 肉骨茶 炒粿條 星期天早上 窗口外的場景 貓咪 電轉 鐵錘 水管 遼闊天空 白色貨車 藍色pickup 米粉湯 Carlsberg 老爸，好希望你還在。

Daddy, just as I was telling you that the frequency of those tides of sadness was getting lesser, I was struck by a tsunami yesterday. haha. I was on 190 travelling home, but that was a route that we have taken tgt multiple times before. Went under the ecolink at bke as well. I just couldn't reign in the sadness. So glad to have an empty home to return to yesterday. I'm worried about mum and gorgor. Bless them with some courage to face life ok? You left so suddenly, I think they are both overwhelmed by how unpredictable life can be. Both of them keep saying they have this unexplained anxiety. Watch over them ok? Meimei

Week one back to work was extremely hectic. There's so much to get back onto, though it has been fairly good distractions. The week has been shuttling between work and home to care for my mum. Family is settling in I think.. which is good. Still missing my Dad a lot, but the occasional sadness that swamps over is getting less frequent I suppose. I'm not sure how long time will take to heal. Not sure if this is a healable wound, or if it will be like my Dad's disease, leaving a crippling and indelible scar behind. But life will go on. I still value being able to help others live their life healthily, even more so after Daddy's passing. So in a way, I'm glad for my line of work. It's been a great part that keeps me going. At least I can still honour his memory daily. But this is making me rethink my new appointment. I don't think I wanna lose touch with patient care. Whatever it is, perhaps a redecision can come after whc opens in 2021. Today is my first t...

Your absence is sorely felt, like a vacuum that's closing in daddy.. I hope you're healthy and happy now papa.. *hugs*

爸爸，妹妹很想你。你住在医院的时候妹妹就有告诉你了。可惜，等不到爸爸回家。当时爸爸跟我说想爸爸又能怎样。那时的我还可以多去医院看你，陪着你。现在，除了抱着你的抱枕，你爱坐的椅子，你用过的东西，你给我的东西，回顾你过去的照片，摸着你的脸 – 妹妹真的什么都不能做了。爸爸，妹妹真的很想你。 之前，你在 whatsapp 上，给妹妹流过一些留言。你说“妹妹，爸爸回来了。早一点回家。“对不起，妹妹没有抽多一点时间在家陪你。 现在我每天都在家，可是见不到老爸了。 老爸，你走得太突然了。大家都难以置信。我也是。我其实还有好多计划还没和你做。我知道你和我一样，爱看山水，爱动物，爱大自然。一直都想带你到更漂亮的地方旅游。对不起，还没来得及带你去。将来，我去的时候，你要记得跟着来 ok ？希望现在老爸已经可以到处游走了。 老爸，你知道我记性非常差。我很怕很怕会忘记和爸爸有关的东西。你要时常来提醒我 ok ？我想要在这里写下我所记得的： 老爸，你从我有记忆到现在，都是那么的特别，另类，和有创意。你就是我那么与众不同的老爸，我的英雄。谢谢你，在我小小的时候，每个星期天早上带我去吃东西。还带我去 farmart 看动物，买芦荟甜品来吃。那是我第一次看到活生生的黑鸡 – 原来羽毛是白色的！我在你的车上总是学到很多东西，像是那个 ecolink 还在建的时候，你告诉我 “这座桥是给动物走的，不是给车走的“。当时我还以为你骗我！哈哈，真的建出来，还真是如你所说的。你就是这样，每次让我吃惊。 谢谢你带着我去吃我们家楼下，你爱吃的肉骨茶和煮炒。肉骨茶，也是你我最后一次一起吃的一餐。谢谢你不介意妹妹一直拿你做电做水的东西来做手工。谢谢你肯跟我解释一些工具的基本。将来妹妹会帮忙修理家里基本的东西 ok ？爸爸不用担心。 还记得小时候你大病一场回家，瘦得小时候的我害怕，不认得你。是当你把我抱到身边，让我做在你的腿上我才认得这是疼爱我的爸爸。爸爸的拥抱，妹妹就是会认得。就算换了个样子，感觉到了我就会知道，就会特别安心。谢谢你。 谢谢你为家里做出那么多特别的改良。真的不能想象，将来没爸爸的家会是怎样，但是我会尽量延续你的精神。有一次，妹妹睡到半夜，床突然塌了。隔天睡了就没问题了。当时也没想那么多。是过了几年，在换床褥的时候才发现有人帮我丁了床架却...