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Limited time

We all have limited time on this Earth,  and a limited 24 hours in a day. What you choose to pack into that 24 hours, will decide what your life portrait will look like at the end of your road. (Yes, I think a lot about the end of the road nowadays.)

I was just thinking to myself yesterday, if i applied the "rise of the guardian" concept to myself, what would my core be? I had wanted it to be love. I had thought that love shouldn't be limited. I had thought, that I would be able to dedicate a certain share of love to all the people in my life, who needed the care at the point in time when they do. I had thought, that my heart should be big enough to welcome as many people in as possible. Because ultimately, at the end of my road, I want to breath my last breath smiling, knowing that I have made a difference to people. I had thought that was possible, but i forgot that while my heart can be limitless, my time can't.

In trying to be everybody's friend, I have failed to be a friend to the one most important to me. The only person who would love me, as I showered my love to others. I don't know how many times I have said "I didn't mean for this..". That's the truth, I always plan for a limited amount of commitment when i step into someone else's life. I always do. But people always need more, and I have never been able to say no. And so, although i always plan not to jeopardise my time on ppl who were important to me, I always end up doing that. And I have said this time and time again, it's about time to learn. It's terribly unfair. And I am sorry.

It's about time that I wisen up, and realise that I can't help everyone. And I just have to say no, and some friendships will have to go. For at the end of the road, how many will be there for you? Priorities wise, shouldn't you spend more time on these people, who will walk you till the end?

Reality can be harsh, and I hope I'm not too late.

sk

Comments

Edwin said…
hey.

Not discounting your actual experience, I think this is like some phase of life 24 year olds go through. I could have sworn i went through the same thing last year and the like (thinking i have limited time, about how i'll die, the importance of the ppl around me, etc.)

I think its part of the way we stumble into "finding ourselves."

But come this year i literally forgot it all and became back the all-so-weird edwin i've always been lol

well. All will turn out fine, and unless you like suddenly die or something (which is also what I kept thinking about lol) i know it will continue to :-)

2:10 AM
sk said…
You've changed, you know? Feels like it. (In a good way). But hey back, thanks for the encouragement. =) I guess i'm still the same pushover, can't say no to anybody person I was when we first met in JC. Frankly, I reckon I'd probably still be the same old me 6 years down the road. I dislike but like it all at the same time haha. Who knows.

But oh well, like you said, I'm sure things will turn out fine too. =)

And I hope you've found yourself after your 24 years old road block!
10:35 PM
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