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ok, quick one! got the urge!


right. my lit teacher zaleena came to us with a story of this girl who defied all social conventions and went ahead to pursue what she enjoyed in life. she theoricated that this girl probably had had enough. to semi quote her" you know there comes this point of time, when you've done the same thing for so long, or when things just gets so overwhelming? you just want to drop everything and do whatever you want to do".

Zaleena you hit the nail on the head man! =D!! 2007 had been pretty much a very light year for me. so far. YET, i still break whenever i can, slack whenever i can, and cannot [lol]. plus! im always weighed down by this heavy dreary weary tired feeling. the feeling of psychologically drain. but i know i havent been doing much. there really is so much more i should do and can do. but. i'm not doing them. =) don't tell me i am please. =) like seriously what audacity!! to actually doubt the fact that i would know myself better than you do me?! =O wow. and there isn't a need to lie fyi. =)i dont bother.=)

right i strayed. mm, my point: i'm sick. sick of studying. sick of jc life. it's not pioneer maybe. or maybe it is. whatever it is, i've had enough. really. i have the urge to turn my back, leave jc and just never come back. i would've laughed at this naive and unpragmatic idea last year. but right now, i can't care less. i just want to leave it all behind. im tired of being nice. tired of doing work. tired of needing to complain to ili. tired of working with ppl i don't like. tired that i have to hide so many of my emotions. tired of playing up to the role of a cheery clown. tired of trying to be helpful. just.

tired .

if anyone noticed, i'm really trying to let go. off my acads, off my cca, off w wtv proj i have a leg in.

truth to be told. im tired. tired of growing up. tired of being a jc student. tired of facing the real world. so please don't mind me for shuddering when i hear ppl go "face up to reality!" as if reality is not already staring at you in your face. as if reality is not already occupying your every breathing space. as if you need to allocated every bit of your time facing reality. as if! what's wrong with indulging in a bit of hope and dream once in awhile? what's wrong in trying to lift your morale by bringing your hope up? tell me what's wrong? if you can convince me, i'll submit and perhaps even follow your way of dealing with pains in life- by facing up to reality. sure. higher hopes means a heavier fall. but. at least i get to a high before i fall. especially if you know you're going to fall. why stay so low moaning about the impending fall and eventually fall a bit to reach lower ground? what's the point of being so low all the time?!?

nobody is telling you to live in your lalaland. by giving u hope, we're teaching you to live better, to live easier. but we're in "comfort" of the knowledge that reality stares at you and never let you forget. so you'll never reach lalaland. perhaps lift abit and plop. but nothing more. hai. i don't know how to bring my point to you. happiness is a matter of CHOICE. everything is a matter of choice. faced with impending pain, you can choose to 1. resign to it immediately and moan and groan for an extra period of time. or!2. force yourself to either come to terms with it and continue to live happy. if that's not possible. then. forgt it. ignore. ignore. ignore. let's not unneccesaarily waste our life and time wallowing in pain that might not even come. really. if it'll come, it will come. no point worrying seriously.

maybe im not understanding enuf.

right. nvm
sk

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