The little things in life. =)

老爸， 2月在我们的人生中是一个喜悲参半的一个月。 这个月见证你我的生日，见证了你的过世，间接也见证了我们家因此的转变。 爸爸，谢谢你从小就那么疼爱我，宠我。我最想念的，是很多日常的小事。星期天，一起去吃早餐，我的第一次吃 zhwee kwei, 我们星期天的米饭炸鸡翅，都是我好珍惜的回忆。爸爸的聪明，幽默，合群，是我们家无所取代的。新年初二你也在吧。我们都想你想到。。。 希望你过得不错哦。 不要太担心我们，我们会照顾mummy.  爱你的妹妹

红彤彤的脸颊 湿淋淋的衬衫 心满满地盼家 期待将来的旅程 ♡

Dear dear, thank you for being by my side emotionally when I needed to make hard decisions that I didn't really want to make. I guess I'm accustomed to being a decision maker and driver in most situations. That's one of my most dreaded things, but it's something I often had to do. I always hated it because I felt alone and a bit helpless needing to make decisions on my own. But you were there for me, the worst didn't feel that bad..  好快哦，我们8个月了! 😍😍 8 months on and I still feel like I have endless things to discover about you, endless things to discuss with you. 8 months on, and I'm glad our love is growing and growing. Dear dear,  I feel like 2020 had been quite a rough one for you. Hang in there, jiayou jiayou and remember that I'm always rooting, cheering and screaming for you!! You're my most special present from 2020, and we will be each other's future from hereon.  Thank you for being you my love. I love you 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♂️❤ 新年快乐! ^^ -o...

Have you reached hamster heaven yet man man? I hope hamster heaven has load of blueberries, fresh fruits and fresh veggie for you, and lots of ledges for you to lean and sleep on! 

满满呀，mummy loves you. I hope you know that! You will always have a special place in my heart.  I am gonna miss you so badly sweet little one.  I'm gonna miss your cute little face, cute little cuddles and cute little feet that you would allow me to touch and hold haha. Although I imagine u can't be enjoying it.  I'm gonna miss your shy but sweet nature, your gentle beady little eyes that always look for me.  I'm gonna miss your timid little hunch melting into a comfortable and contented prata on my hand, especially when your are enjoying your neck massages, ear and belly rubs..   I'm gonna miss how you trust and love me unconditionally, never bit me even a single time, and allowed me to manipulate your body and feed you meds this way and that, even though it must be super uncomfortable.  Thank you for everything you have given me my dear 满满.  Thank you for being my little one whom I look forward to seeing at home after work. Thank you for letting m...

Sometimes, life surprises with the most unplanned sweetness. What a beautiful beautiful day!!  Hehe, without travelling out of the country, I can already see how the 2 of us will travel and live the rest of our lives tgt.  Thank you for the wonderful day dear; discovering new and indie corners of this place we call home. ^^

Silly it's just a dream Is it because you have been handling man man And she had been in pain Technically if you 1000x man man She might actually look like a bear And we seldom see hamsters blink So that could be the eyelid part Last night, I had yet another one of my bizarre dreams. These dreams have always been very disturbing for me. I'm not sure if they bode well or otherwise. But more often than not, I have absolutely no idea where they come from. I feel embarrassed to tell them to anyone, and I rarely ever do. But somehow I told dear dear today. It must have been highly irrational to you on 2 counts: first, the dream contents are just downright weird. Second, I am irrationally disturbed by something unreal. But nonetheless, dear dear didn't judge me, and listened and empathetically came up with something to 安抚我.  Dear ah, 自小就懂得要坚强，自强，独立，勇敢，或至少改装出这模样的我，从来没有被人那这么样疼爱过。谢谢你。I take this moment to give thanks to the man who gives me much more than i can ever dream of. I love...

Just finished a weekend of loving goodness. yesterday was a perfect day with the man I would call my forever home. My dear dear, I would go to the ends of the world with you, and never look back. I love you so so so much. :) just thinking about your smile would make everything wrong go right. yesterday was a day we spent tgt, trying to get to hort park and mt faber, but plans had to shift due to the heavy heavy rain which the bus stop saved us from in the nick of time. it was a day with some slight discourse over earth and forest trail (what's wrong with me! lol!) and dear dear's initial disappointment with dji. but everything ended nicely when we managed to spend time tgt at home.. having a nice homey hawker center dinner, dear dear 疼我 and let me over order oyster omelette.. It was a cold night, but my heart is infinitely full and warm because you're in it. ^^ dear dear, 谢谢你 。I want this life with you in it, so much that I can't put a pen to paper for it. That's a ...

Why is the pensive associated with regret  remorse and longing? Why does reflections have to be laced with a brim of sad? Let's change that!  We are fast pressing on to 6 months!!! Time flew!!! ^^ Haha, this blog is almost becoming a relationship blog. I think that represents the proportion of my life that has been filled because of you. Hehe, more about that later. Let me try to inject a bit of balance first. 2020 has been a year of 圆满, balanced in its expression, full in its experience. Life has been tough enough for everyone. I'm glad everyone got to where we are and managed to adapt through it. This year, I express my gratitude for my country, which has proven to execute thoughtful functional kiasu through crisis. I'm thankful that we are where we are not by luck but by design. I'm thankful for the many dumps that I sat in professionally, for they have honed a greater sense of balance in my decision making. I accept that I'm always the feeler, and I should moder...

31.  A third of life passed- what have I achieved? What routes have I journeyed? Where am I headed in this lifetime?  A third of life passed- have I figured put what kind of person I am and want to be? What values and principles do I stand for?  A third of life passed- is that considered short or long? Have I wasted too much time? Do I still have time to get back on track?  Dear dear, 5 months past and I find myself in a dip of reflection and a ton of self remorse and reproach. I wish everyday that I could be a better partner to you, and I strive everyday to be wiser and more mindful of my every action. I struggle to make up my mind and elucidate what I truly stand for. This week, I reckon with the failures that I struggle with as a person. I am not a bad person. But in my struggle to please and adapt to every situation that came my way, I have let myself be shaped loosely by the external influences and failed to firm up my innermost core. I am not a bad person. But ...

It's 2am and I'm still having trouble sleeping.. I guess the past 2 days have been intense on my churning mind. This is probably the first time we went through a mini man made crisis together as a couple.  It got me thinking about how I didn't do so well to protect you from what I know to be insensitive and 任性 natures of my mother which I should have expected. I further got me thinking about the times whe  I wasn't firm enough to walk away from past baggages and you had to step in for me to block and delete certain contacts that wasnt doing me good. These reflections led me back to the very very very start, when my dear dear splash water on me to 叫我 "清醒一点!!"。Back then  you told me, that if given a choice, 99.99%  of the population would not choose to hurt the person they love because they don't want to hurt somebody else. Unless I'm that 0.001%, I should find it easier to have my answer. Truth is, I dislike having to hurt another person in general. Tru...

Love Someone There are days, I wake up and I pinch myself. That you're with me, not some one else . I smiled the entire way through my run today. I skipped through the sad songs because they no longer resonate, and I can't remember why they ever did. I circle this happy one; this one that trembles with love, joy and a little bit of delicate fear. For I have something that I actually fear to lose, for the first time in this lifetime. I have You.  You're Fearless, when I'm fearful. You're logical where I'm over emotional. You're willing to take a leap of faith, when I'm held back by my worries and self fulfilling prophecies. You're the start of every story I want to participate in and close. And I'm so much Braver now, because of you.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a new life together.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a busy and mundane life together.  In due time, when we are on the armchair looking back together.  I know I will ...

Has it been that long since i dropped by to pen a proper thought her in this platform? I am almost certain i have reread those past few posts over and over again in the last 3 years though. 3 years, how time flies. How much the world has changed, how much has my work, my family, my friendships, my relationship and myself changed. Dad, if you looked at the me today, and we had a beer or coffee together, what would you say? sk

Dad. I suppose, that's the single most defining event of the year. Catastrophic. 老爸啊，你的过世让今年所发生的一切·有了不一样的转折。如果不是因为你，我想我应该还是会像以前一样，让今年又在匆匆忙忙的工作与朋友之间消耗掉。我想，这让为成长了不少，也让我定下了不少。可是，我真的好想你啊。 Daddy's passing redefined a lot of things for me. how important family is; how i should cherish the time i have with my mum; how i should not take anything for granted; how to be more cautious, yet aggressive about the people i need to protect.  Through that, i also grew to realise that there are many things that I will be too time-poor to handle later, therein affecting the way I manage my work. I begin to realise and accept the fact that I not a superhuman, that sometimes responsibly saying no is the right thing to do, that some painful decisions must be dealt with head on, so that i can protect my responsibility to the people who matter to me. In 2017, I have grown a lot. But the expense of my innocence, is vast too. Consistently, the closure of every year has always been pleasant. When...

老爸，兩個月了。 媽媽和哥哥漸漸好起來了。你呢? 還有像以前那樣，坐著看報紙看到睡著嗎? 我好久沒看晚報了。。前天有人在我的頭上敲了兩下，好熟悉。 老爸， 你要照顧自己ok? 妹妹沒忘記你。

In my dreams, you're still alive and I'm still trying to save you.

Sigh. what's the matter with me. daddy, why did Gorgor get all your good temper while I get all of mummy's impatience and quick temper ah? and then this selfish thinking. Arghhh You must be scolding me right now right. :(

想念你，老爸。 有一陣子沒給你寫信了。妹妹還是很懷念你。聽到貨車門甩著閉上的聲音，我還是不自覺，馬上覺得"老爸回來了!"。 每天下了班，到家樓下時，還是會看一看老爸的車是否到了。也是會想到老爸回來了。 可惜， 車每天都在同一個位置。它像我吧，一直空心地等待主人回來。 老爸，你過得還好嗎?

刷牙 打傘 沖熱水 滾熱水 喝豆奶 擦臉 樹林 190 的路線 肉骨茶 炒粿條 星期天早上 窗口外的場景 貓咪 電轉 鐵錘 水管 遼闊天空 白色貨車 藍色pickup 米粉湯 Carlsberg 老爸，好希望你還在。

Daddy, just as I was telling you that the frequency of those tides of sadness was getting lesser, I was struck by a tsunami yesterday. haha. I was on 190 travelling home, but that was a route that we have taken tgt multiple times before. Went under the ecolink at bke as well. I just couldn't reign in the sadness. So glad to have an empty home to return to yesterday. I'm worried about mum and gorgor. Bless them with some courage to face life ok? You left so suddenly, I think they are both overwhelmed by how unpredictable life can be. Both of them keep saying they have this unexplained anxiety. Watch over them ok? Meimei