The little things in life. =)

Sometimes, life surprises with the most unplanned sweetness. What a beautiful beautiful day!!  Hehe, without travelling out of the country, I can already see how the 2 of us will travel and live the rest of our lives tgt.  Thank you for the wonderful day dear; discovering new and indie corners of this place we call home. ^^

Silly it's just a dream Is it because you have been handling man man And she had been in pain Technically if you 1000x man man She might actually look like a bear And we seldom see hamsters blink So that could be the eyelid part Last night, I had yet another one of my bizarre dreams. These dreams have always been very disturbing for me. I'm not sure if they bode well or otherwise. But more often than not, I have absolutely no idea where they come from. I feel embarrassed to tell them to anyone, and I rarely ever do. But somehow I told dear dear today. It must have been highly irrational to you on 2 counts: first, the dream contents are just downright weird. Second, I am irrationally disturbed by something unreal. But nonetheless, dear dear didn't judge me, and listened and empathetically came up with something to 安抚我.  Dear ah, 自小就懂得要坚强，自强，独立，勇敢，或至少改装出这模样的我，从来没有被人那这么样疼爱过。谢谢你。I take this moment to give thanks to the man who gives me much more than i can ever dream of. I love...

Just finished a weekend of loving goodness. yesterday was a perfect day with the man I would call my forever home. My dear dear, I would go to the ends of the world with you, and never look back. I love you so so so much. :) just thinking about your smile would make everything wrong go right. yesterday was a day we spent tgt, trying to get to hort park and mt faber, but plans had to shift due to the heavy heavy rain which the bus stop saved us from in the nick of time. it was a day with some slight discourse over earth and forest trail (what's wrong with me! lol!) and dear dear's initial disappointment with dji. but everything ended nicely when we managed to spend time tgt at home.. having a nice homey hawker center dinner, dear dear 疼我 and let me over order oyster omelette.. It was a cold night, but my heart is infinitely full and warm because you're in it. ^^ dear dear, 谢谢你 。I want this life with you in it, so much that I can't put a pen to paper for it. That's a ...

Why is the pensive associated with regret  remorse and longing? Why does reflections have to be laced with a brim of sad? Let's change that!  We are fast pressing on to 6 months!!! Time flew!!! ^^ Haha, this blog is almost becoming a relationship blog. I think that represents the proportion of my life that has been filled because of you. Hehe, more about that later. Let me try to inject a bit of balance first. 2020 has been a year of 圆满, balanced in its expression, full in its experience. Life has been tough enough for everyone. I'm glad everyone got to where we are and managed to adapt through it. This year, I express my gratitude for my country, which has proven to execute thoughtful functional kiasu through crisis. I'm thankful that we are where we are not by luck but by design. I'm thankful for the many dumps that I sat in professionally, for they have honed a greater sense of balance in my decision making. I accept that I'm always the feeler, and I should moder...

31.  A third of life passed- what have I achieved? What routes have I journeyed? Where am I headed in this lifetime?  A third of life passed- have I figured put what kind of person I am and want to be? What values and principles do I stand for?  A third of life passed- is that considered short or long? Have I wasted too much time? Do I still have time to get back on track?  Dear dear, 5 months past and I find myself in a dip of reflection and a ton of self remorse and reproach. I wish everyday that I could be a better partner to you, and I strive everyday to be wiser and more mindful of my every action. I struggle to make up my mind and elucidate what I truly stand for. This week, I reckon with the failures that I struggle with as a person. I am not a bad person. But in my struggle to please and adapt to every situation that came my way, I have let myself be shaped loosely by the external influences and failed to firm up my innermost core. I am not a bad person. But ...

It's 2am and I'm still having trouble sleeping.. I guess the past 2 days have been intense on my churning mind. This is probably the first time we went through a mini man made crisis together as a couple.  It got me thinking about how I didn't do so well to protect you from what I know to be insensitive and 任性 natures of my mother which I should have expected. I further got me thinking about the times whe  I wasn't firm enough to walk away from past baggages and you had to step in for me to block and delete certain contacts that wasnt doing me good. These reflections led me back to the very very very start, when my dear dear splash water on me to 叫我 "清醒一点!!"。Back then  you told me, that if given a choice, 99.99%  of the population would not choose to hurt the person they love because they don't want to hurt somebody else. Unless I'm that 0.001%, I should find it easier to have my answer. Truth is, I dislike having to hurt another person in general. Tru...

Love Someone There are days, I wake up and I pinch myself. That you're with me, not some one else . I smiled the entire way through my run today. I skipped through the sad songs because they no longer resonate, and I can't remember why they ever did. I circle this happy one; this one that trembles with love, joy and a little bit of delicate fear. For I have something that I actually fear to lose, for the first time in this lifetime. I have You.  You're Fearless, when I'm fearful. You're logical where I'm over emotional. You're willing to take a leap of faith, when I'm held back by my worries and self fulfilling prophecies. You're the start of every story I want to participate in and close. And I'm so much Braver now, because of you.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a new life together.  In due time, when we are on the cusp of a busy and mundane life together.  In due time, when we are on the armchair looking back together.  I know I will ...

Has it been that long since i dropped by to pen a proper thought her in this platform? I am almost certain i have reread those past few posts over and over again in the last 3 years though. 3 years, how time flies. How much the world has changed, how much has my work, my family, my friendships, my relationship and myself changed. Dad, if you looked at the me today, and we had a beer or coffee together, what would you say? sk

Dad. I suppose, that's the single most defining event of the year. Catastrophic. 老爸啊，你的过世让今年所发生的一切·有了不一样的转折。如果不是因为你，我想我应该还是会像以前一样，让今年又在匆匆忙忙的工作与朋友之间消耗掉。我想，这让为成长了不少，也让我定下了不少。可是，我真的好想你啊。 Daddy's passing redefined a lot of things for me. how important family is; how i should cherish the time i have with my mum; how i should not take anything for granted; how to be more cautious, yet aggressive about the people i need to protect.  Through that, i also grew to realise that there are many things that I will be too time-poor to handle later, therein affecting the way I manage my work. I begin to realise and accept the fact that I not a superhuman, that sometimes responsibly saying no is the right thing to do, that some painful decisions must be dealt with head on, so that i can protect my responsibility to the people who matter to me. In 2017, I have grown a lot. But the expense of my innocence, is vast too. Consistently, the closure of every year has always been pleasant. When...

老爸，兩個月了。 媽媽和哥哥漸漸好起來了。你呢? 還有像以前那樣，坐著看報紙看到睡著嗎? 我好久沒看晚報了。。前天有人在我的頭上敲了兩下，好熟悉。 老爸， 你要照顧自己ok? 妹妹沒忘記你。

In my dreams, you're still alive and I'm still trying to save you.

Sigh. what's the matter with me. daddy, why did Gorgor get all your good temper while I get all of mummy's impatience and quick temper ah? and then this selfish thinking. Arghhh You must be scolding me right now right. :(

想念你，老爸。 有一陣子沒給你寫信了。妹妹還是很懷念你。聽到貨車門甩著閉上的聲音，我還是不自覺，馬上覺得"老爸回來了!"。 每天下了班，到家樓下時，還是會看一看老爸的車是否到了。也是會想到老爸回來了。 可惜， 車每天都在同一個位置。它像我吧，一直空心地等待主人回來。 老爸，你過得還好嗎?

刷牙 打傘 沖熱水 滾熱水 喝豆奶 擦臉 樹林 190 的路線 肉骨茶 炒粿條 星期天早上 窗口外的場景 貓咪 電轉 鐵錘 水管 遼闊天空 白色貨車 藍色pickup 米粉湯 Carlsberg 老爸，好希望你還在。

Daddy, just as I was telling you that the frequency of those tides of sadness was getting lesser, I was struck by a tsunami yesterday. haha. I was on 190 travelling home, but that was a route that we have taken tgt multiple times before. Went under the ecolink at bke as well. I just couldn't reign in the sadness. So glad to have an empty home to return to yesterday. I'm worried about mum and gorgor. Bless them with some courage to face life ok? You left so suddenly, I think they are both overwhelmed by how unpredictable life can be. Both of them keep saying they have this unexplained anxiety. Watch over them ok? Meimei

Week one back to work was extremely hectic. There's so much to get back onto, though it has been fairly good distractions. The week has been shuttling between work and home to care for my mum. Family is settling in I think.. which is good. Still missing my Dad a lot, but the occasional sadness that swamps over is getting less frequent I suppose. I'm not sure how long time will take to heal. Not sure if this is a healable wound, or if it will be like my Dad's disease, leaving a crippling and indelible scar behind. But life will go on. I still value being able to help others live their life healthily, even more so after Daddy's passing. So in a way, I'm glad for my line of work. It's been a great part that keeps me going. At least I can still honour his memory daily. But this is making me rethink my new appointment. I don't think I wanna lose touch with patient care. Whatever it is, perhaps a redecision can come after whc opens in 2021. Today is my first t...

Your absence is sorely felt, like a vacuum that's closing in daddy.. I hope you're healthy and happy now papa.. *hugs*

爸爸，妹妹很想你。你住在医院的时候妹妹就有告诉你了。可惜，等不到爸爸回家。当时爸爸跟我说想爸爸又能怎样。那时的我还可以多去医院看你，陪着你。现在，除了抱着你的抱枕，你爱坐的椅子，你用过的东西，你给我的东西，回顾你过去的照片，摸着你的脸 – 妹妹真的什么都不能做了。爸爸，妹妹真的很想你。 之前，你在 whatsapp 上，给妹妹流过一些留言。你说“妹妹，爸爸回来了。早一点回家。“对不起，妹妹没有抽多一点时间在家陪你。 现在我每天都在家，可是见不到老爸了。 老爸，你走得太突然了。大家都难以置信。我也是。我其实还有好多计划还没和你做。我知道你和我一样，爱看山水，爱动物，爱大自然。一直都想带你到更漂亮的地方旅游。对不起，还没来得及带你去。将来，我去的时候，你要记得跟着来 ok ？希望现在老爸已经可以到处游走了。 老爸，你知道我记性非常差。我很怕很怕会忘记和爸爸有关的东西。你要时常来提醒我 ok ？我想要在这里写下我所记得的： 老爸，你从我有记忆到现在，都是那么的特别，另类，和有创意。你就是我那么与众不同的老爸，我的英雄。谢谢你，在我小小的时候，每个星期天早上带我去吃东西。还带我去 farmart 看动物，买芦荟甜品来吃。那是我第一次看到活生生的黑鸡 – 原来羽毛是白色的！我在你的车上总是学到很多东西，像是那个 ecolink 还在建的时候，你告诉我 “这座桥是给动物走的，不是给车走的“。当时我还以为你骗我！哈哈，真的建出来，还真是如你所说的。你就是这样，每次让我吃惊。 谢谢你带着我去吃我们家楼下，你爱吃的肉骨茶和煮炒。肉骨茶，也是你我最后一次一起吃的一餐。谢谢你不介意妹妹一直拿你做电做水的东西来做手工。谢谢你肯跟我解释一些工具的基本。将来妹妹会帮忙修理家里基本的东西 ok ？爸爸不用担心。 还记得小时候你大病一场回家，瘦得小时候的我害怕，不认得你。是当你把我抱到身边，让我做在你的腿上我才认得这是疼爱我的爸爸。爸爸的拥抱，妹妹就是会认得。就算换了个样子，感觉到了我就会知道，就会特别安心。谢谢你。 谢谢你为家里做出那么多特别的改良。真的不能想象，将来没爸爸的家会是怎样，但是我会尽量延续你的精神。有一次，妹妹睡到半夜，床突然塌了。隔天睡了就没问题了。当时也没想那么多。是过了几年，在换床褥的时候才发现有人帮我丁了床架却...

“I've gained more from serving my patients than I have given to them; it's a privilege to be a healthcare professional. Indeed, it's in giving that we receive, and in losing ourselves that we find ourselves” - Dr Phillip Yap Well said Dr Yap. 4 years of bond is quickly drawing to an end. As I sit here rather aimlessly, waiting for time to pass in preparation for my night shift tomorrow, the late hours has allowed me some quiet time for reflections. When was the last time I did this?! (It's appalling!) Looking back on the past 4 years, I wondered which lessons and emotions stood out the most. Is it the resentment from the occasional unhappy episodes at office, or the 委屈 from the random angry patient? I suppose I really did have my fair share of those. But above everything else, I still relish the fulfillment that I get from knowing that I have made a difference to a patient today (teehee, look at that confidence XD). I said this same thing to a couple of close friends ...

ARGH. Go away training comm, will you please? If I reveled in producing teaching materials, test paper, markings, learning objectives and case studies, I would be in MOE. SO GO AWAY! goodness. =.= #bittergourd ok nvm. I do. *meltdown*