The little things in life. =)

ARGH. Go away training comm, will you please? If I reveled in producing teaching materials, test paper, markings, learning objectives and case studies, I would be in MOE. SO GO AWAY! goodness. =.= #bittergourd ok nvm. I do. *meltdown*

In other news, I just wanted to expound on the greatness of my mum. Thanks ma, for towelling down my fever, holding me up as I dugged frantically through the various corners of the house for painkillers like a drug addict on withdrawal, for making me porridge on demand, boiling barley water, and just for being there. It was a terrible night yesterday. I can't remember when I last felt this bad. But having you sitting on the side of my bed, changing my towel and feeling for my fever really calmed me down. Thanks mummy. <3 Sk

Post fever grogginess- This fever did some marvelously creative things with my brain. I was having so many dreams of the weirdest origins!! I wonder if these are truly my subconcious thoughts, or just random jumps of the synapses. Well. Since I'm on mc, and my brain is still on over drive, I shall write. The Earthquake that shook Sabah and Mt K really shook me up as well. Because I was intending to scale Mt K this June too. Fortunately/unfortunately, I couldn't find the company to join me on the expedition. The recent 2 earthquakes got me reflecting about mountain climbing safety and pre-training. To be honest, most training focus on what you should do to get to the top. Nobody seems to be too concerned about preparing for situations where you will need to actively seek a way down the mountain. Was talking to my brother, and we concluded that this was probably a reflection of Singaporean's lack of disaster awareness. In any case, through the limited number of trips I ha...

Night has fallen- As your chapter of life draws to a close, I pray that you may receive the endless blessing and gratitude from your beloved Nation, and all the sons and daughters from your Nation. Singapore, a name I am proud to call my home, would never have been without your contributions. For us, your stories came from the history books. Stories of nation building, a knowledge based economy, a nation built on meritocracy, of a strategic merger - and the unfortunate departure, these were the legends that my generation did not come to witness. Things we were merely told. Yet we enjoy the fruits of your, and our forefathers' labour. We risk running the line of taking things for granted on a daily basis, and you again and again preach your cautious warning that anything can change. That our peace did not come in vain. Thank you Mr Lee. Thank you for dedicating your time, sacrificing your life and even putting us ahead of your immediate family, just so you could love your larg...

But I shall do it anyway. Lo and behold! It's been eons since I last sat at my desk, just typing shit out to blogger, with both no audience and a huge audience in mind. I have been working for a grand 2 odd years of my life. I can't say I dig each day, but at least I haven't been hating every moment. I guess Pharmacy work has its rewards buried underneath the heaps of patients, pills, prescriptions, money, time and sheer physical fatigue. And my optimism works hard picking off the thrash on top to get to the jewels below. I am exhausted. Near 7 years in Pharmacy, and I have finally finally finally almost paid out my dues. This means I can start dreaming again. I have forgotten the complete exhilaration of having something to live for, beyond routine, beyond passing faces and people, beyond fighting fire everyday. It has been so long that I became a little rusty. I became mildly scared of fulfilling them dreams. Stopping in my career right now, seems daunting. But th...

So I am really starting to resent all the post work hours pumped into work. I do not see why and how putting in hours to train your staff, do your projects, analyse your data is meaningful to me and my personal growth. I swear I am trying, but this is TOO trying. So I am tired. I need to breath my own air, free my thoughts, and do the things that I need to do to add meaning to my life before i lose it all to the damnation of work! I would love to love my job, yes. And I can. If only I don't need to busy myself with all the hassle of these other things that I don't get to choose. GO AWAY you guys. *miserable whatsapp emoji* Ok, had to get that out of my system. And I'm just procrastinating before I start on them damned viva qns (Your brains must be packed with wonder to think us competent in setting exam qns). May this new found building resentment lead me to a better place, or a better way of doing things without wanting to kill myself. Ha. Ha, Ha. sk

I think it's time to start afresh, right up from ground zero. Funny to attempt a rebirth of character at a quarter of a century, I know. (okay, i confess i struggled between whether I'm a quarter of a decade or quarter of a century old). But well, some things have to be done! To quote my favouritest female singer-songwriter; my (sort-of) life inspiration; "to give yourself a new life, you have to give the other one away". I am famous for holding on too tightly to the past. Perhaps it's time to let good, let go. Seek forgiveness, and also forgive myself for old wrongdoings, whether or not I truly deserve it (who's to judge?). Life simply must not be spent wallowing in the past. (For we are not warthogs, hakuna matata) So-  Hello world, again.  (: sk p/s: #(parenthesesabuse)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDfS306tcr8

The difference between us, is that you seem to think you deserve so little, while I seem to think I deserve a whole lot more. The truth- which I now begin to see- is the exact opposite.

Ah ma, I really miss you. Sometimes, I guess when you're really down and out, things from your comfortable and simple past just gets to you. My ah ma is one. I said, the one thing I was really afraid of with my grandmother's passing, is that I would forget her. I was afraid I would forget the way she looks, her voice when she calls my name, the way she beams when I (or anybody else) greet her at every visit, the way she'd ask us if we want milo (for the kids) or kopi (for the adults) when we went over in the past. Especially the way she beams when her children and grandchildren greeted her. Her smile conveyed a sort of warmth and love that she had for every single member of the family, no less for anyone, i tell you. It broke my heart at the end, when I greeted her, and she didn't respond. That broke my heart the most. Someone asked me what were the lessons that my ah ma taught me. I said "independence", thinking again, I'd say love too.

my 2nd incident with renal adjustments. what's the use of a pharmacist who forgets to dose adjust? Can't believe it. time for confession.

We all have limited time on this Earth,  and a limited 24 hours in a day. What you choose to pack into that 24 hours, will decide what your life portrait will look like at the end of your road. (Yes, I think a lot about the end of the road nowadays.) I was just thinking to myself yesterday, if i applied the "rise of the guardian" concept to myself, what would my core be? I had wanted it to be love. I had thought that love shouldn't be limited. I had thought, that I would be able to dedicate a certain share of love to all the people in my life, who needed the care at the point in time when they do. I had thought, that my heart should be big enough to welcome as many people in as possible. Because ultimately, at the end of my road, I want to breath my last breath smiling, knowing that I have made a difference to people. I had thought that was possible, but i forgot that while my heart can be limitless, my time can't. In trying to be everybody's friend, I have fa...

I take my work too seriously. Jiahao ccan testify to that. Half the time, I bet nobody takes me even a quarter times as seriously as I do myself. That's why I tend to be affected a little too easily I guess. Can be good, can be bad, who's to say right? It's my first independent week in the wards as a full-fledged pharmacist all on my own. 2 episodes have struck me hard: 1) A certain Dr from my ward came over to me one day and asked. This Fluconazole, is the dose ok? I stumbled and said I would check. And check I did, even though I rmbed very clearly why we started the pt on the drug the day before, and why we chose that dose. Just had to be doubly sure. So I confidently got back to him with my answer, and his response left me in shock. He said "this patient has a crcl of ___. Is that too high?" For the love of pharmacy, I did not check the renal adjustments of this drug. And he addressed me "Ms Koh" (nth wrong with that, but it just didnt sit very ...

i break, too. breaking down at the cusp of our graduation. and you, i really want to trust you. i haven't trusted anyone in my life in quite the same way as i do you. i really really really do want to. 

I've held off posting this for a long time. I'm very poor at following up with ppl, regardless of how close we may be. this is because i'm always too caught up with the "thr and then"s, so I find it hard to reply texts, keep up with frequent updates via text, fb etc. But i make it a point though, for those few special individuals who are a little more special than others, to go out of my way to help when help is needed. Being there when it matters, that's what matters- to me. But perhaps everyone has a different idea of friendship. Pardon my being an old stick in the mud, but people of the past never had the luxury of phones, or the economic capacity to constantly meet up with friends. But that did not affect their ability to make friends. For a particular friend who meant a lot a lot to me. I still rmb the night we talked about your plans, and i rmb your defiance. Your wilful rebuttal. What hurt was not that our well meaning advice fell on deaf ears. Wh...

I have officially lost interest in sleep. (Or work, for that matter.) Came across an old blog post where i did this huge list of personality tests and decided to do sth immensely useless: hahha THEN & NOWW! XD so here we go, really quick! 1) THEN: Your Brain is 47% Female, 53% Male Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve What Gender Is Your Brain? NOW:  Your Brain is 67% Female, 33% Male Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! 2) THEN:   You Are Pretty Logical You're a bit of a wizard when it comes to logic While you don't have perfect logic, you logic is pretty darn good Keep...